You’ve already downloaded all of the music I encouraged you to listen to for your summer playlist, but now you’re thinking, “Hey, drunk guy on the Internet, these songs are great, but my cat is going to hate me if I keep listening to them over and over.” I hate to be the one to tell you, but you should know that your cat hates you no matter what, because cats are dicks. I can’t help you with that.
But I can help you with the music. I’ve collected more music for you so that you can invest your time in drinking on patios, talking about how nice the weather is, and going to therapy with your cat to resolve your issues.
1. Mark Foster, A-Trak, and Kimbra – Warrior
You know Mark Foster from the band Foster the People (the guys with the shoe fetish). You remember A-Trak as that thing you listened to in the 80s, or the early 2000s if you’re from Putnam County. And if you don’t know Kimbra by name, you probably at least recognize her as that naked girl in that really sad Gotye video.
Converse decided to do what any good shoe company would do, put them all together and make the most entertaining three minute and fifty second shoe commercial I’ve ever seen.
2. Scissor Sisters vs Krystal Pepsy – Shady Love
We know the Scissor Sisters like to fuck with us, it’s sort of been their thing since the beginning, and when I first heard this song, I hated it. But the second listen completely hooked me. This song is infectious and catchy and doesn’t let you get comfortable, and the video that accompanies it is charming, entertaining, and morbid.
Video Highlights: Literally anything these kids do in this video … Jake Shears borderline rapping heterosexually-charged lyrics.
See also: Kiss You Off
3. Ladyhawke – Black White and Blue
Ladyhawke is from New Zealand, so you know she’s like, interesting. I don’t have much to say about her, other than that I’ve been listening to her music for awhile, and that she never disappoints. I think she’s a lesbian, which is probably why I kind of want to bang her. Summer brings out my inner heterosexual, and my inner heterosexual really digs lesbians.
See also: My Delirium
4. Hyper Crush – Werk Me
Hyper Crush clearly started as just a bunch of rich kids in LA goofing around with audio equipment and spending their parents’ money to fund their pop garbage music. For all I know they might still be that.
But it doesn’t matter how trashy the lyrics are, if you give me a duet with electronic beats, I’m going to fall in lust/love. This is the kind of song that I claim I don’t like by day but then find myself screaming “I LOVE THIS SONG” as I’m peeling my shirt off at a late night warehouse party.
Video Highlights: LOL OMG … Glitter Booties
See also: Maniac
5. Paloma Faith – Picking Up the Pieces
Sad but upbeat, like the way Seattle summers are never really sunny, this one will give your playlist some heartfelt lyrical legitimacy after your friends hear Werk Me and start slut-shaming you.
Sidenote: Slut-shaming friends and family is a summer classic if you need a fun activity for this season. The idea is to slut-shame loud enough that nobody notices you making out with that 7-Eleven cashier at the bus stop.
Paloma Faith, who despite her name is neither a Christian country star or a drag queen, is back this summer with that powerhouse voice and ritzy style that made you wonder if she was a Christian country star or a drag queen in the first place.
She’s neither. I think.
See also: Stone Cold Sober
Keep on enjoying another beautiful summer, and remember, if you don’t sleep with your best friend’s brother during a weekend trip to your parents’ lake house, you’re not doing it right.